23 weeks, no change

So...today we were able to get in for an ultrasound. I know it has only been a short time but hey you never know...my hopes were there that maybe something would have changed. Something found to indicate baby could be growing/healing. Unfortunately this wasn't the case. On the brighter side, things aren't any worse either - minus the cramping a little more for baby due to him/her growing, which growing is good. My faith hasn't gone and won't if nothing changes, it's just almost like running into a wall. I know that no matter what we find while the baby is in my belly the true answer won't come till delivery day. Being 23 weeks now delivery day seems like forever and too soon all at the same time. I want more time with my baby along with the urge to want to meet him/her. Some days I almost wish we didn't know any of this. That we could go on as normal pregnancy and enjoy without this cloud over our heads. I am still enjoying every day of my pregnancy, including the continuous pain :( Though the pain is not from the trouble just baby sitting extremely low in my belly. Like don't sneeze too hard he/she might just fall out low ha. It is a little hard to walk through Target or get the update emails from my apps with all the baby stuff ideas...I love shopping for baby things in general and being that I can't kind of sucks. Not only because we don't know what we are having yet so I wouldn't even know what to get...but we have also decided that we are just going to see how things go, not get too excited as far as shopping and such just in case the worse is in the plans. I don't want to end up with a ton of baby stuff I have to return if it's in Gods plan our baby not to make it. There will be no baby shower, as of now. We are going to hold off till after delivery and have a welcoming party instead. I think what is hardest for me to deal with right now is not telling Bugs. I know she is so excited and I want her to continue to be. To learn about the baby growing and seeing Mommy's belly get bigger and bigger. Though I know she would be understanding of the situation but I just don't feel like she needs to have that "worry" right now. My plan for now is to just keep her excited and we'll wait to tell her till we get closer to our due date. My next appointment with my Doctor seems like years away (almost 3 weeks), though at the same time... I don't know why I will even make the trips. Just schedule me for the ultrasounds and let me enjoy my time. Why do I need to make another appointment to talk to my doctor about the fact that nothing has changed (and hear them tell us how sorry they are we're having to go through this)...unless something of course changes in how I or I feel the baby is doing which then I could just call...but I will go with what they say... see the doctor I prefer till 33 weeks where then I'll have to go back to the specialist/high risk doctor for delivery talk. I have a feeling it's all going to go so fast. This year already went by fast. From now till delivery day we have Bugs birthday party, Christmas, New Years, Angee, Grandma and MamaT's birthdays and then my birthday....after that a month of waiting till baby decides he/she is ready to come out. I honestly can't imagine another 4 months as far as my belly growing. It seams so large for my figure already, though of course everyone else says I'm so tiny. Yeah maybe in your eyes but when you're not used to the added weight and body growth it's a lot ha. I am excited though because I love dressing to show my belly :) minus the lack of fitting pants, which was already an issue before the pregnancy ha. Pictures soon to come :)