Remembering To Enjoy...

This getting back to "normal" life is still a work in progress.  I try/do it because for my family I have to. Bugs needs to know that just because something happened that we would have preferred not to doesn't change how life was or that it still goes on. So things like Wednesday night need to keep happening since Bugs is used to it, even though it sends my anxiety crazy.   I also don't want to hold Barry back/keep him from doing things because of my issues. I have come to the conclusion I need to find something else to help me get back to me.  

I have come to realize one thing I do struggle with is being Mom. Though I lost one I didn't lose both of my babies. I don't mean in the sense of wanting to ignore Bugs or something down that road...but more so feeling enjoyment again out of the little things. The energy/drive I had the first week home has since ran away. I dont know what happened. I had this energy and drive to do things around the house, play/read with Bugs but now it seems hard to pull myself together to even take her to the park. And I HATE that. Even trying to plan things as a family I feel myself getting lost halfway through and wanting to cry. Somehow I will just have to force my way through one step at a time. I will just have to make lists and force myself to try to finish things and see if that helps.  Simple things like doing a load of laundry or make some muffins. Things to keep reminding myself I'm still here and love and enjoy it.  

Starting with family night tonight :) Bugs and I snuggled and watch The Great Mouse Detective, helped Daddy a little outside and then all came in to snuggle for family slumber party in the living room. Which you of course can't have without some funny dog and cat fail videos. 

Momma Struggles

I think….things are officially getting hard. I am coming to realize that there is only 3 months left, at most, to our little bundles time of stretching my belly. As this time gets shorter and shorter things are getting harder and harder not to do. It’s not the actual thought of what could happen in 3 months that’s hard…that I have come to terms with and put my faith in God to give us strength for. Either way I understand we may be leaving the hospital without a second car seat filled or if we are blessed to take home a little bundle it’s most likely to be a long road. That isn't the part that’s hard. What’s hard is the fact that I can’t really plan. My nesting has set in and though we could use the extra organizing kick to get our house organized in general, I know the drive is the nesting. It’s a thought that sits in the back of your mind when you’re cleaning. Like “this needs to be moved and we need to make room for the extra stuff we’re going to have for the baby…” but then you remember you may not have that stuff right now. There’s also the shopping struggle. Target is the worst! Sorry Target but it’s true. I love shopping at Target, even just wasting time walking around…but these days it seems to get harder and harder. The baby section is right smack dab in the middle of the store. Worst of all every store is different so unless you know the store you’re going to end up passing the baby section. You cannot just walk around the store and not end up there. Think I’m being dramatic…try it. If you wanted to avoid it you would have to specifically think about you’re way around to avoid it but by that time you might as well have just passed it anyways. What’s even harder is I love the baby section. I love looking and shopping even for other people. That section just makes you smile :) . I am so torn for shopping. I kind of want to shop and such but then one we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl for clothes and two…I don’t want to have to worry about returning a crap ton of stuff if things don’t work out. On the other hand I also feel like we need to make a little list of things that are a must, example car seat, so someone does not have to run and go shopping if we do take our bundle home. Also since we have opted to not have a baby shower I don’t want to go and buy everything and then people are like well it’s a waste for me to go, you have everything… ehhh. It’s honestly exhausting having this fight in your head all the time.