Lounge Around

I love weekends like this, especially when there’s an extra day added on. This weekend we did a whole lot of nothing, which was great. Just lounged around, watched movies/shows. Daddy made Bugs a fort and we just enjoyed each other’s company. We had sleepovers in the living room every night, stayed up till late and then slept in. It was a good way to finish off the “summer” before school starts tomorrow. Even more so after the buys weekend we had last weekend /Bugs’ week of travel. Wednesday of the week before she went to my Grandparents to go to the Chanhassen to see Mary Poppins, then with Auntie Hannah to the MN Zoo and spent a few days with her and Grandma Tina. Then we picked her up, spent the weekend roaming around – went to the Como Zoo and MOA. Then it was off to GG’s house for a few days before coming home to go meet her teacher and bring her supplies to school. Busy, busy, busy. Though all of that was fun, we didn’t want to do a darn thing this weekend ha. Though I’m a mover, I really enjoy our relax time that we just hangout together. We don’t have plans, nowhere to go, just be here with each other.

fun at the party

I want to start by thanking everyone that was able to make it to our little get together on Saturday. I was a lot of fun. I’m hoping that as we continue to fix up the back yard that we’ll have more and more parties. Though winter is right around the corner (YUCK), next summer I hope we have a few get togethers with friends and family. I have decided that no matter what the party is for we are also going to have a piñata ha. The kids were so funny trying to break it. Apparently the piñata company thinks smashing things with a bat is too violent that they now come equipped with strings that you pull and one is supposed to release the hatch and let the candy out. This didn’t work for us, might have had something to do with the fact that we let the kids beat the crap out of it first ha.
Now with the party done it’s time to decide if we’re going to go to the State Fair or the lake and then get school shopping in. Bugs starts on the 8th and we haven’t started shopping. Not to mention going through her clothes which I’m not really looking forward to, so many and I’m sure 75% don’t fit. Think that will be my plan this week while Bugs is with Grandpa and Hannah. She gets to see Mary Poppins at the Chanhassen Dinner Theatre tomorrow, very excited.
Getting excited to see what is in the future for us.

Enjoying the little things

This last month has been crazy yet amazing. I've been crazy exhausted yet enjoying all the planned and unplanned fun we've been having. Very happy that the unplanned has started to happen more. We used to do it all the time, just taking "Sunday Drives" and such...but a lot of times lately we just get stuck in the motions of life and forget to have fun. Either we get to much going on that it becomes stressful or we’re too exhausted from the week that by the time the weekend comes were just out of it. Nothing sounds good other than sitting around and being extra lazy…which isn’t always bad.
Early July was an eye opener. All we had planned that weekend was Jenna & Chris’ wedding and then staying the night at Angee’s house. We originally had planned to just spend the night then head home to have time to do things around the house or such…but we got distracted. We ended up pit stopping at MOA. Barry needed Cinnabon and Bugs wanted to go to the American Girl store then it just grew from there. We went to Build A Bear, Lego store, got lunch, saw Steve Wiebe play Donkey Kong, played legos and Bugs got her face painted. It was so fun. Just a leisure day at MOA just hanging out. Then on Sunday Bugs and I decided that since it was such a beautiful day out that we would go to the pool. It was such a good idea :). It was warm but not too hot and the pool wasn’t packed. We packed a lunch and were off. We spent all day there. Was just a simple fun afternoon, mommy & Bugs.
The next weekend we had a few more plans, but we're finding time to fit in some simple fun. Bugs and I went to the St. Mane Theatre to see Mary Poppins. Just a last minute splurge thing but was so fun! We didn’t have dinner before we went so during intermission we ran over to Gil B’s and split a sandwich, was so much fun and Bugs thought it was so cool. After the show we were still a little hungry so we put in an order for chips and dip to go, picked it up on our way home and then watched part of a movie and snuggled when we got home. Then Saturday she had a birthday party at the park down the street, though there wasn’t much time for extra stuff, we took the extra little time to chat and walk to the park instead of driving. Not that it really seems like a lot but it’s the little things that count. We also fit in a family reunion that weekend.
The next weekend we were heading to Lutsen for Sophia & Kevin's wedding. We left Friday and headed to Dads cabin, a little midway stop and Bugs was spending the weekend playing in the lake. Then we got up early and headed for the wedding. It was such a beautiful service and party. Extra excitement after all the celebrating...had a fire and a fire guy (proper term not sure ha) but he swung fire around, it was amazing. We spent the night in Grand Marais. We had planned to spend the night, get up early and head home...but plans change. We decided to walk around Grand Marais a bit. Walked out to the light house then went for breakfast. Was really nice to just have some us time. Then we also stopped at a few other spots along the way and it was wonderful.
Then last weekend was Buffalo Bill Days, if you don't know what that is it's Lanesboro's city days and it's always fun. This year we took it light but it was still fun. Friday Jaime, Dwayne and I went out around town. Saturday we got up, had a filling breakfast then went tubing. Tubing is always the best part. After was cleanup then back to town to check out who was in town and fireworks. Sunday we were going to go to the parade but it was really hot. So we picked Bugs up, went back and grabbed Winnie, got her hair cut and decided to stop by the Rochester Fair while we were waiting. Little time spent together, I'm enjoying it.

At first when we lost Trysten it was a little hard to see the little things, to be interested and exited for things. Now as time goes on I’m finding myself again and remembering memories doesn’t have to be extreme, it’s the small things you really remember. Finding time to just be together and enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes it’s hard to think of the time we could have had with him…but we’re taking it slow. Knowing that it’s still a joy just to think about him but also know that we’ll see him again someday. I'm really trying to slow life down and enjoy things every day. Like a sleepovers on the couch with Bugs, as we are tonight. :)

PS. Pictures from our trips to come.

4th of July at the Cabin

Sometimes when you're getting the car backed up and ready to go to the lake you get that feeling of wanting to just stay home. Feel like is it all worth the packing for a few days...last weekend it totally was!
We had so much fun 4th of July weekend. We went up to Dad's cabin and had so much fun. Bugs was so excited to get there, she loves the lake. Then we got there and she found out there was a jet ski and she was in heaven. She didn't want to get off at all :) We had a relaxed weekend hanging out with family and spending time on the lake. Bugs was so brave, made me so proud. She just jumped in the lake and played. We asked one of the guys in the area if we could barrow his inner-tube. I thought she was going to be nervous about getting on it but nope...she begged me to go on with her :) I was so proud. Barry hauled us around with the jet ski and she thought it was amazing. One of our favorite places to go... the lake :)

Red Rock - Home

I always hate the first week home from camp. It’s the worst, going into a restaurant and thinking I see someone from camp to remember I'm home Ha. Camp though this year was odd in itself. A little empty without the Tabernacle. Just a big open space without the staple of our camp time. It will be exciting though to see the new one up and in action. The most odd part was there were like no pictures taken...I mean we all took a few but we didn't take group photos like we usually do. There were no photos taken at the end of the week... The only picture I got was with Bugs. This may not see different to someone who has never been at camp. For those of us that have been for years though, it's a complete 180. Usually it’s like picture central the last night/day. Maybe it’s because many of us know we'll be together again next week...I'm not sure.
Otherwise camp was a blast. Bugs and I slept in, worshiped, played and enjoyed our time together and with friends. This included late nights of Spoons and Werewolves - I mean Tickle Monster. Bugs even went out in the lake, well we both did. She got her life jacket on and we SWAM out past the long weeds out to the rafts. She was a little nervous at first, it was quite a big step for her. Then she jumped off the raft the first time and loved it. We stayed out there for at least a half hour if not longer. I'm so proud of her. It's amazing to see how much she grows each year at camp. Bugs’ favorite part of camp though was getting to see her “cousin” Bella Rue. It was so cute to hear her name Bella her cousin and to love holding and taking care of her. Pretty sure every hour Bella wasn’t with us she was asking “Where’s my cousin? Is she coming to our room later/going to be where we are?” Shane and I have always been close and now adding Bobbie and Bella in, I couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad to have them in our lives and see our kids grow up together.

Coming home I felt refreshed. Okay my body did not, it's a lot of walking if you didn't know and then treading water in the lake for .5hr+ is a lot, ha. But my mind and heart were. A calming relief feeling. It feels good to be at peace and to be excited to see what the future hold for all of us.
Thank you Red Rock! Thank you God!



Oh can't forget the super cute, new born baby birds that were nested right outside Lakeview door!

Red Rock - Healing

Where to start...honestly. I want to say so much yet don't know where to start or how to say it. I'm so exhausted yet a bit revived.  There was a lot of searching and praying today. The sermon tonight was on healing.  Healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I would fall into the category of emotionally and spiritually. I have found myself battling with anger, regret, fear and the questions of loss. Angry that our prayers were not answered the way that we wanted, angry that our doctors were not helpful in the beginning. Regret that we didn't do more right away. That I wasn't bolder and just tried to be "strong". Fear that it could happen again...if we were able to get pregnant again. I also fall under the spiritual question of loss. Why were we chosen for this. All we wanted was out beautiful baby boy to take home and wrap him in our arms. The questions of what our future holds and what the big picture is. I know there's a big picture I just wish I knew what it was right now.
I did get a chance to talk with a lovely lady that has gone threw a similar situation a few years back. Like we both said it was a group we didn't ask to join, we were chosen. It was nice to talk to someone who understands the struggles and fears that come with the loss of your child. Its a different kind of loss/grief. The loss of a family member is generally a habit of life. You live your life,get old and move on to the next part of your journey. But losing a child before they even had a chance to live their life is something completelly different. There are so many residual effects that come with it. There's a stigma that we are self contained and don't want to talk about what happened.
I feel like a lot is happening/going to happen and I just need to brace myself for the ride and remind myself to stop, enjoy it, have patience and not worry about whats ahead. It is what it is and it will come in its time.

Red Rock '15 - Getting Ready

Red Rock Camp is here… actually it started yesterday. I’m very excited and yet a little apprehensive to go. Now I’m super excited, am every year. I have been going since I was in like the 6th grade – that makes it like 15 years. The people there have become my extended family and love them to pieces. Now the apprehensive part comes from Trysten…of course. With Bugs she has spent her whole life there, literally. I was 4 months pregnant with her the first time she was there ;) and now it’s been 7yrs. Trysten wasn’t able to be there at all. I didn’t get pregnant till July and then born in February. We are only able to take him in thought.
I would like to say the strength is there that it’s not going to “effect” my week. But I know that’s not going to be the case and honestly nor would I want it to. This week I want to take the time, be over flowed in my faith and remember Trysten in his beauty and joy. Remember him all week. For those of you that will be there with me I apologize in advanced that I’ll probably be a sobbing mess a lot of the time. Not in sadness, so don’t worry, but in joy and remembrance. Basking in the gifts and love that Red Rock has given me throughout the years and the gift that God gave me by blessing our family with Trysten. I cant wait to see what God has in store for this week 😀.