Bugs' Greif Growth

I always knew, since I started thinking about having kids when I was younger, that I wanted my kids to have years in-between. I had said I wanted 5 years. Partial for the first born to be old enough to have fun being the older sibling, close enough though that they would still have fun together when they got older and also for me, that I wouldn’t feel like I was paying attention to one more than the other. So when I had the second the first would be in school so I would have that time to extra dote on the second and then be able to give more attention to the first when they got home from school. Yeah that probably sounds a little bit/way too planned for something like this but that was my idea. I was lucky that God had the same plan for me...I thought at first…but he had something a little different planned out. I was still blessed with babies aged apart how “I” had planned but his reasoning was not the same. Where I thought I would have time to dote on each in their time he knew that I needed my Princess to be a little older when we met Trysten. That Bugs being the age she is was going to give her the chance to meet, know and remember (which is key for me) her brother. That though it was going to be a struggle for all of us, including her, it would be a joy for all of us to do it together. As much as it pains me when it is happening I feel blessed and blessed for Bugs that she has been able to experience a love so strong that she still remembers and will stay with her all her life.
We have been experiencing the struggles for her a little more now than before, which is not a bad thing. As we have been doing more things with Angee’s boyfriend’s daughter (whom we will call Puppy  ) Bugs is seeing all the things that she’ll miss with Trysten. She is such a big sister to Puppy (which is amazing!) but it does hit her every now and then what a sister does with a sibling. Last weekend all of us were at Moms and we had a blast, but there were a few times that we (Bugs & I) had to take a moment and reflect. I feel blessed that she is old enough to understand and to learn that it is okay to just feel sad and cry sometimes. That we are close enough that we can just cry together and she knows that even though something sad happened to us and we won’t ever forget it we can also remember the joy it brought us. The thing that brings me the most joy is that she feels comfortable enough to talk about Trysten and what happened. That even when she draws family photos she includes Trysten, with us and in heaven. Though we had something dear to us taken away…I still feel so blessed.