new chapter in life

Holy moly, these last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotion. The 25th was Trysten's first birthday. It's crazy to think it's already been a year. The thoughts of how things would be and how he would have grown don't leave my thoughts. By now he would be eating foods, crawling, walking, saying words. Instead all we have are the memories from the few days we had with him and the love for him that will never leave our hearts. It makes me smile though knowing that Bugs remembers him everyday. It's one thing for a mother and father to remember their child but when a young sibling remembers, loves and reminds all around her it's just something a little extra special. Anytime someone asks how many are in her family or that topic somehow gets brought up she says with great conviction, "we have 5 in our family; Daddy, Mommy, Me, Brother and now Sister". It's a joy you really can't explain to hear her speak like that. To remember, love and remind those around her of her brother.



Sunday -



Monday -



Within the next week, we welcomed our little Nars into the world. That Monday when I went in for my doctor appointment he told us it would be within the next 48hrs, he would be very surprised if we were still pregnant by Thursday. So since I was already having contractions since before my appointment we decided to do a little walking and have dinner at Mom's. Things continued to feel the same for most of the evening and slowly lessened a bit but we were afraid we would get heading home or walk in the door and have to turn right around so we decided we would just spend the night at Mom's so if things progressed we only had a 10min drive instead of an hour, which turned out to be a very good idea - an hour drive I probably would have started crying, those roads are just very bumpy. I woke up about 1 am to strong contractions. At first I chalked it up to the same old I've been having all month. I got up walked around, relaxed in bed trying to get a little more sleep before we had to head home for Barry to get to work and Bugs to get to school. Then 5 am hit and they got stronger. Laying in bed was uncomfortable so I got up and roamed the house a bit to see if it was true. I didn't want to rush in since we've had so many false ones before so I held out a bit longer. Went and laid with mom chatting for a bit, went back to my bed to see if I could fall asleep a little longer - cuz if I could then things weren't going... Laying there though they seemed to continue to get stronger so we decided this could be it. Mom stayed home from work to hang out with Bugs so she didn't have to go sit in the cramped room they first put you in and she could relax in case it was false. I knew things were really progressing when Bugs was getting ready and looked at me and told Grandma I looked like I was going to cry and my face was red ;) .
Once we got into the hospital, got setup with the machine and everything we waited...waited to see if the contractions were strong and regular enough. Which doesn't really make sense to me. I understand hooking me up to see how the baby is doing and everything but why don't they check you right away to see if you're dilating or not, but none the less we waited. The contractions weren't monitoring very well because my belly is so small that it doesn't like to register them all the way. What was reading as a 30 was really more like 90. After monitoring for a bit the nurse came and and was like well they are continuing but if you haven't dilated any more (I had been a 2-3 at my appointment) then I could walk around for an hour or so and they could check me again. Great cuz you just reaffirmed my biggest fear for me, that it was just my body playing tricks on me AGAIN. To all of our surprise though she checked me and I was 8cm! Yes! I was ready and baby was ready, we're getting this show on the road :) . They moved me over and we got ready to welcome her into this world.
Now going into this I had really only anticipated Barry, Ang (to photograph), Mom (to tape) and Bugs if she wanted since it wasn't high risk or anything and my delivery room is pretty laid back and it's kind of a cool experience for her to have. Then Ma and Hannah were able to make it down before she arrived and also Grandma and Grandpa... so we had a party :) . Grandma really wanted to be in there, she had seen a grandchild be born and what an awesome thing she can say she also saw a great-grandchild. Not many get to meet their great-grandchild let alone see their 3rd be born. Since Ma and Hannah were able to make it I wanted to share it with them too. It was an amazing time welcoming our little Rainbow into this world. She truly has brought great joy to our lives already. She's now a week old such a joyful bundle that I can hardly put down.

Baby mail

So I think I've handled myself decently well as far as the residual emails and such relating to my pregnancy and “having a baby”. But getting mail really bugs me. I didn’t sign up for it so why is it coming to me. I don’t know if it’s something that is triggered from the hospital. “Hey there was a delivery, send them information about their baby, products they might be interested and such”. Gee thanks. If that’s going to be the case there needs to be a big red button that says halt do not send to this family…they are left with empty arms and do not need a reminder like mail giving information about things they cannot use. Thank you for the thought but it is not helpful.

Update With Big News!

So we have big news...! Well big to us/me ha. Big...kinda scary news... Tomorrow (Friday) we are going to Rochester bright and early for an all-day fun fest!! Okay fun fest might be a stretch but still a change in feeling like we're just sitting around waiting. This is the time we have been waiting for plus a little bonus. So to start we needed to make an appointment to go over everything with the nurses and get the tour of the maternity area and all that fun stuff that comes with having a baby. Which even as I’m typing this it grows my anxiety/nervousness. I have no idea what is to come…what they are going to say. Leaves your heart racing. I’m very excited but just fearful of how things are going to happen. Like I wish we had more time to just enjoy being pregnant. Now it just feel like a rush to the finish line. Tomorrow I am 32 weeks. I could go as early as 5 weeks – depending on if they have plans to induce me. I would like to go as long as I can but I also understand the fact they would like to be prepared with all doctors and nurses needed to give our baby the best chances. Guess we’ll find most of that out tomorrow. The biggest news we have for tomorrow is we are doing the amnioinfusion! We are not sure how all of it happens and such, we haven’t have a consultation…that will be tomorrow morning before procedure. So I tried to lookup online a little bit just to get an idea of maybe how they do it…yeah wasn’t much help. The only thing I really found was this: “Amnioinfusion is a procedure in which normal saline or lactated Ringer's solution is infused into the uterine cavity to replace amniotic fluid. It is used to treat problems known to be associated with decreased intra-amniotic volume, including prophylactic treatment of oligohydramnios and treatment of severe variable decelerations during labor.” I am excited to have it done, hopeful that it will relieve some of the pressure on my legs and the cramping in my stomach and make the space a little nicer for the baby. Every time he/she moves around it like suctions in my stomach for a bit. I’m also hoping that it will possibly also help the baby develop his/her lungs a little bit before delivery. I’m feeling nervous about all the new stuff but also at ease with the fact that we’ll be more informed. We’ll find out how they plan to go about delivery and such. This will help also with telling Bugs, break the news to her and help her understand what could happen and what our plans are. I’m getting ready to be able to plan. Go through and do a little shopping planning. We have decided we’ll go out to Target and probably Baby’s R Us to do a registry so that way we don’t need to go out now to rush and buy things but if we are lucky enough to be able to take our bundle home than Moms can run and grab us a few things to get started while were in the hospital. I do need to gather my to go bag. Figure things I would like to bring and make sure they are accessible in case someone else needs to come and pick them up for me. Oh man things are getting real! 

Better Days Ahead

Monday was a very long day...and night. When Barry got home we drove to the ER. Mom and Dave nicely met us there to watch Bugs, just in case we needed her close. We really had no idea what was going on or what was happening. All I knew was that my legs were in major pain. When we got down there they checked me in, made me pee in a cup, and hooked me up to the baby monitor. Hung out in the maternity area for a while until they came back and said they had no answers to what was going on…which looking back now was dumb they didn’t even do an ultrasound or anything. They packed me up and sent me back down to the ER section. Went through the process again. The doctor came in, did some checking of my reflexes and feeling in my legs then sent for a blood draw to make sure all that was good….couldn’t have been better. So once again I left the doctor with no answers…mystery case central right here. Well never the less I was “ok”…the baby was fine…guess that’s all you could really ask for. Answers are for losers ha. Anyways though the ride home was torture, we made it and I went straight to bed. I stayed home one more day in hopes that it was going to go away… This was a very good idea since the next day was worse than the first. It was horrible, but not just in my legs but it moved to my belly also. Though the pain was bad I believe baby was just having a growth spirt  My belly grew an inch since the last time I measured. I am still experiencing stomach/leg pain but having the thought its baby growing makes it all worth it. And as long as little jammer is moving around in my belly I will be happy. Wednesday I made it through work…well I guess that’s what you can call it. I got my work done and didn’t cry in pain so we’ll take it. I was completely exhausted after though. My body was compensating so much hiding the pain that it wore me out. By the time I got home I had a little energy to make something to eat then needed a nap! Luckily Bugs had Kicks so I had some time. Now being Thursday it was time to get back to my to-do list. Though work was still a little rough, probably will be for a bit, I made it through with enough energy to still be awaKE as I write this now in the evening, progress oh yeah! Had on my list to contact Mayo, even though I’m only 31 weeks tomorrow, we figured I should probably get my call in soon since they book up. Even better they called me . Well they called about my email in request for information for amnioinfusion, even better. Sounds like the doc thinks it’s a good idea/worth a shot. So got two birds with one stone, so they say. Now hopefully they can get all of my appointments in one shot. Though Monday things seemed very dark and I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through. I was in a dark place, worried about everything that was going on. I was very sad and worried and just not myself. Though I don’t regret our decision, I was questioning why things were happening. It wasn’t bad enough we were given this news of a high chance of losing our child…but now I was being overwhelmed with immense pain that still has yet to let up and probably will stay with me till the end. It’s just not something I was fully anticipating…with Bugs everything was pretty easy going. There isn’t much I remember of it being troublesome. I was that pregnant lady you were mad to look at because she just went on with her days as nothing was different. There wasn’t this thing growing in her belly, it was just easy. Now a days I walk around like a broken doll it feels like. But the news today from the nurse and getting thing in the works somehow changed that dark questioning around. Nothing has changed for our answers to come but seeing the end coming into view added a little different perspective. Lightened things up a little bit. I even more take joy in the excessive movement going on in my belly .

Birth Plan.....What's That? HA

So with Bugs I didn't really plan much. I was kind of winging the delivery part. I didn’t take any classes; I mean I had the ‘What to Expect When Expecting’ book why do I need a class right? I also knew that Mom would be my support and she’d been through it twice. Figured the nurses would tell me when to push and away we go  Luckily for me that was how it went with Bugs. I showed up when they told me to because I was being induced. I got the gown on, laid in the bed and they checked me in. I was induced, hung out for a few hours, did some pushing while watching Jay Leno and wam-bam out popped a little baby girl . I know with her i was pretty darn lucky in the labor and delivery part that is for sure. But now with this little Flubber, as Angee calls it, I know things aren’t going to go as smoothly. As much as I can hope and pray I know that’s just not going to happen. After reading some of Counting Balloons I have come to the realization even more that I should probably really start thinking of organizing my thoughts for a “birth plan”. Not that I’m super extreme down to the exact point of everything needs to happen this way but just an idea so I don’t get there and go “ahhhh…hmmm I don’t know”. I do know I want Bugs to be in there, if she wants to of course. I’m sure she is going to be way to excited not to be. Her favorite things to watch right now are the videos on my phone about the baby growing and the series show that was on Lifetime “One Born Every Minute”. You may think I am joking…but I am not. She loves that show, minus when they yell loud  . I also want her to be in there just in case the time we have is very short. I don’t want her to miss time with her brother/sister because a nurse had to go get her. I also know that there will be absolutely no food in my room. I can’t eat, you can’t eat! They made a cafeteria and waiting room for that not my delivery room. Lastly on my list to be organized is a photographer. We may have little time with our bundle; I want us to be able to show others the excitement and joy of our little one while we have him/her. I know that may sound like I’m planning for the worst…but in our case there aren’t many options. Yes my hopes are high, my faith is strong and prayers are daily but I’m not dumb to the “medical facts” either. Though miracles happen all the time, it doesn’t hurt to be a little prepared. That’s why we have doctors right…?