There are others out there...

So in surfing Facebook today I happen to stumble upon a blog about a couple who have lost not one but two of their babies, my worst nightmare. I have worried about that since we found out the trouble with out little one, that it could repeat... http://vaporandmist.wordpress.com/celebrating-life-with-our-daughter/ Now I have never heard of either of the conditions their babys had but then again I hadn't heard of ours either. It's made me realize how much of the world we don't know. All of us have our struggles/troubles that can either keep us moving or bring us down. Reading some of their story has also reminded me of the joy I have now growing in me and how much I can't wait till he/she is born and we finally meet baby. :)

25 Weeks - Vitamin C

Hmmm Hmmmm what is there to say about something you can't tell if there's any definite update....There are things I can speculate to say things could possibly be making a hopeful change but obviously can't be sure. My belly is growing more and more, and fast - Barry thinks it's doubled in the last week :) Baby is still non-stop moving machine! Okay so there are maybe some down times, but I would say a good 75% of the day its a dance machine. I would say baby doesn't change position as far as where head and feet are. Does flip sideways which is a giant suction reaction :) But otherwise kicks and punches are generally in the same area. Pretty sure feet are kicking just below my right ribs and punches are middle to lower left side. BOOM BOOM BOOM. Sometimes these movements get a little painful but I joyfully take them and see it as a sign of good things to come. Tomorrow is week 26 :) though I know that there is not much information on our baby's troubles but I am still a little disappointed in the lack of help/suggestions by doctors. Especially being that the original specialist we talked to was a little too quick to settle on quitting when we found out. I know they don't have much information but when I told you I wanted to continue it would have been nice for a little something. Give me some ideas on what you would tell someone else who has this trouble, like if it were me in general and not my baby. Put me on a kidney diet or something instead of me feel like it's just an official death sentence ... but nope didn't happen so I'm just kind of making things up as I go. Increased my water/fluid intake. My ultimate goal is 128oz but a minimum of 70oz, still in process of training my body - takes a little time to gain that space in you body for extra fluids, especially when there's already something growing :) I also read in my baby center app about Vitamin C. No one ever told me what all it was good for. I thought it was just for your immune system like keeping you from a cold. Little did I know it's also essential for tissue repair, wound healing, bone growth and repair. Ahhh hello...why would someone not mention "hey there isn't proof of specifics but this could help. Duh the issue is cysts on tissue...and vitamin C is good for tissue repair, maybe lets give you a supplement/increase your C intake." I would have been like gee thank you that is good information to have that I could have started a month ago. They say pregnant women need at least 85mg and breastfeeding moms need 120mg, so I got some extra vitamin C with 120mg and take 1-2 of them a day. I don't know if it will help...but here's to hoping & not feeling like I'm sitting around doing nothing...

Feeling Kicks

Bugs and I love just sitting around and feeling the baby kick and move around ☺️  

Family Baking

Sunday afternoon of baking...what more could you ask for? Not much if you ask me! Spent the day at Aunt Barb's with a rolling/hiccuping belly, making pumpkin rolls, frosting and pumpkin pie. It really gave me a second wind on this pregnancy thing. I was really feeling like I was starting all over again. I had like 2 days of that "pregnancy glow" and then started all over. The nausea, exhaustion, hair falling out and all that fun jazz. When I say exhaustion... I mean serious. Be up like 3 hours and ready to take a nap. I made it all day being active, made the drive home without feeling like I was going to fall asleep and even had a some spare energy when we got home to do a little cleaning and write this :) That's like a major improvement from even yesterday. I'm really hoping this continues on! The main thing I've realized from today is that I need to get back to doing things I love. Even if I get exhausted from work and everything else I need to take some time, kind of force myself to do something for myself. Sew something...cook something...read a book...something that takes me out of the rush and pressure of everyday stuff. Enjoy myself again. :)

23 weeks

Hands always in the face 👶

23 weeks, no change

So...today we were able to get in for an ultrasound. I know it has only been a short time but hey you never know...my hopes were there that maybe something would have changed. Something found to indicate baby could be growing/healing. Unfortunately this wasn't the case. On the brighter side, things aren't any worse either - minus the cramping a little more for baby due to him/her growing, which growing is good. My faith hasn't gone and won't if nothing changes, it's just almost like running into a wall. I know that no matter what we find while the baby is in my belly the true answer won't come till delivery day. Being 23 weeks now delivery day seems like forever and too soon all at the same time. I want more time with my baby along with the urge to want to meet him/her. Some days I almost wish we didn't know any of this. That we could go on as normal pregnancy and enjoy without this cloud over our heads. I am still enjoying every day of my pregnancy, including the continuous pain :( Though the pain is not from the trouble just baby sitting extremely low in my belly. Like don't sneeze too hard he/she might just fall out low ha. It is a little hard to walk through Target or get the update emails from my apps with all the baby stuff ideas...I love shopping for baby things in general and being that I can't kind of sucks. Not only because we don't know what we are having yet so I wouldn't even know what to get...but we have also decided that we are just going to see how things go, not get too excited as far as shopping and such just in case the worse is in the plans. I don't want to end up with a ton of baby stuff I have to return if it's in Gods plan our baby not to make it. There will be no baby shower, as of now. We are going to hold off till after delivery and have a welcoming party instead. I think what is hardest for me to deal with right now is not telling Bugs. I know she is so excited and I want her to continue to be. To learn about the baby growing and seeing Mommy's belly get bigger and bigger. Though I know she would be understanding of the situation but I just don't feel like she needs to have that "worry" right now. My plan for now is to just keep her excited and we'll wait to tell her till we get closer to our due date. My next appointment with my Doctor seems like years away (almost 3 weeks), though at the same time... I don't know why I will even make the trips. Just schedule me for the ultrasounds and let me enjoy my time. Why do I need to make another appointment to talk to my doctor about the fact that nothing has changed (and hear them tell us how sorry they are we're having to go through this)...unless something of course changes in how I or I feel the baby is doing which then I could just call...but I will go with what they say... see the doctor I prefer till 33 weeks where then I'll have to go back to the specialist/high risk doctor for delivery talk. I have a feeling it's all going to go so fast. This year already went by fast. From now till delivery day we have Bugs birthday party, Christmas, New Years, Angee, Grandma and MamaT's birthdays and then my birthday....after that a month of waiting till baby decides he/she is ready to come out. I honestly can't imagine another 4 months as far as my belly growing. It seams so large for my figure already, though of course everyone else says I'm so tiny. Yeah maybe in your eyes but when you're not used to the added weight and body growth it's a lot ha. I am excited though because I love dressing to show my belly :) minus the lack of fitting pants, which was already an issue before the pregnancy ha. Pictures soon to come :)

Our Little Bundle

November 5th, 2014, 20 weeks, we were getting ready to find out what our little bun in the oven was. Getting ready to do the final baby on the way announcement to all our friends...when we found out our little bundle was having some troubles. All we knew at that point was there was no fluid around our baby. When we were told we were unsure what the trouble was, I had in my mind possible leaking (most common)...This was not the case for us. We went and saw a specialist for further checking and this is where our baby was diagnosed with Multicystic Dysplastic kidneys. With this they did not give us very high hopes for survival of our baby. "Multicystic dysplastic kidney is a condition in which the kidney has been essentially replaced by multiple cysts. It is the result of abnormal fetal development of the kidney. There is little or no normal function to this kidney." [ http://www.childrenshospital.org/health-topics/conditions/multicystic-dysplastic-kidney ] For us we were informed that both of our baby's kidneys were having this trouble. Since the kidneys are not working as they should our baby is unable to circulate through the amniotic fluid process. The most troubling part of this is that since there is no fluid around the baby the baby is unable to swallow the fluid which is what develops the lungs. This makes the high risk pregnancy an undefined pregnancy...we were given very little/no hope. Since they diagnosed the lungs not developing they say it is most likely our baby will have trouble/wont be able to breath when born. Now I'm not writing this to be a sad story by any means. I am writing this let others out there know they're not the only ones this happens to. We were told if it doesn't run in the family it was a by chance happening we couldn't have prevented. I went online and there was nothing out there from other parents that have experienced this...so though I can read all I want medically there are no stories to relate to and feel like we're not alone in this process. We are still very excited about our little bundle of joy and though at this point the doctors don't give us high hopes we continue on and enjoy every day of it. Our little one is quite active and growing which makes me smile. They mentioned babies with this usually aren't active, due to the tight space, our bundle rolling in my belly. A pregnancy in it's self is a joy and time to celebrate. We take it day by day and enjoy the excitement, not only ours but our first daughters also (Bugs). She has been looking forward to being a big sister for 2 years and though right now she doesn't know the baby's trouble we are happy for her to enjoy the time with the baby she has, as are we. I am now 23 weeks along and growing fast. My faith is strong that whatever happens in the end it was in the plan and we will be strong to continue.