Christmas.... Merry Christmas has come and gone I guess sort of. Christmas day is gone but we still have more to go. This Christmas was an off/odd one. For the first time in like ever I actually planned ahead with my gift getting. Normally I'm frantic on the way to Christmas celebrations trying to pickup gift cards and such. This year though I had almost all gifts done and wrapped before we left the house. I only had to pickup one gift card (because I finally decided which I wanted to get), swap a present because someone had already gotten that same one :) and then Cams chicken because I forgot the ones we bought in the freezer in our rush to get on the road - go me! As far as the "Festive Christmas" feel though...it really wasn't there. We didn't put up like any decorations, no tree (which luckily Bugs wasn't too partial to having one), it started because we didn't know where to put it. We also have boxes all over from cleaning/organizing and with Mable we figured she'd get into it more than the cat ha. It just didn't feel much like Christmas for me. I didn't realize it at first as to why but then sitting in evening service it sunk in...I miss Trysten. Last year I was sitting in the same church holding my growing moving belly, listening to the same story and singing the same songs. This year I should be doing the same but also planning presents for a starting to walk little boy. Enjoying his first Christmas. Christmas with him and Bugs, seeing and waiting for Santa to come. I think what made it harder is seeing all the pictures of other little babies on Facebook getting ready for the Holidays. Though they made me smile and excited for them it also reminded me of what we will always miss. Yes that's a really sad thing to think about but it's also the truth. It's the truth we will never be able to get away from. There's also another truth though...if Trysten were here today there is a likely chance we wouldn't be planning for Bugs' little sister. As weird as that sounds, almost trading one for the other...but maybe God has something planned/thought of. I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened, having two babies that close together but it's also something I've never really planned. I like the thought of my babies having some distance. Now 7 years was a little more than I anticipated...but it is whats in God plan is in his plan and it does excite me a bit. Though she was super excited at 5/6, she's even more excited now. She's going to be an amazing big sister again. Even though Trysten's not here in body, she's still the best big sister to him any mother could ask for. She thinks of him all the time and warms my heart. She's so exited to take care of her little sister. Feed, change, play and everything else. Even with other babies she's a super big sis they may not have. Like with J, she just loves that little girl. She talks all the time about babysitting her and if we say we're going to the cities - "are we going to see J?" :) . Makes me so excited. Two months at most and Bugs is going to be the happiest girl in the world. Holy crap two months!!!
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