Sleepless...

Guess tonight is one of those nights...sleepless.  I'm not sure which is better - try and lay here hoping my brain will shut off or get up and do something. There's this overwhelming anxiety hanging over me and I'm not sure what's all causing it. Maybe the thoughts of how fast a month has gone by already.  I've been in such a daze I really wasn't paying attention to the days so it's all kind of a blur as to where it went.  Or is it over thinking  about making plans this weekend...wanting to do something special Friday since that was Trystens "due date" and thinking about attempting to go out with friends..?  The later being the one hurdle I wish I could get over sooner rather than later. I have the desire to go out, I miss my friends. But thinking and actually doing it seems so daunting. It races my heart just writing it out.  I don't know the best way to solve it. Do I just need some more time or do I say "screw you body/brain you don't know nothin, I'm going out" and just kind of force myself.  I feel like I went to bed one night 26 and woke up 36. Like what I have observed as that lul-in between time. When you're not in your 20's fun nights out but you haven't hit that later 40's second wind. There's that lul period in your 30's you're like "I'm too tired from work and kids...going out with friends ha". Which of course isn't the case for everyone but from observations that's the feeling Im having. Like in want nothing more to stay home.  I don't need to go out and socialize... Hmm guess that'd be one of those red flags when you go see your doctor and they're like "have you had any mood changes lately"...guess it's a good thing I'm going to talk to someone about all this next week...