Wednesday Rerun

Honestly Wednesday's are just not my days. They are not good to me at all. Doesn't help that those days seem to be the days we have to go to the funeral home for things, but hopefully that is checked off the list. 

Waking up on Wednesdays though is like those movies where the people keep waking up on the same day over and over. Without noticing, cuz sometimes my days are all over the place, or consciously thinking about it my mind starts to replay every thing from the day our son was born (Wednesday morning). It's not that I want to forget because it is a beautiful memory and one that I cherish. But right now it's still hard to fully ejpnjoy the beauty without  the sadness that try's to drownd it. 

Yesterday we went and saw my doctor and chatted about how crazy that morning was. We filled her in on what all happened (family/friends wise) and how things were going since.  We laughed about how fast baby progressed and came out. :)   It was good to smile, even if it was just for a little while. 

So I am taking people's advice and sitting down to talk with a specialist.  I'm a little hesitant because I'm not sure how it's going to go, what I'm going to say...but maybe it'll help. Especially for my anxiety because for me right now that's what I struggle with the most. I seem to be able to at least fake it through the looking normal ("fake it till you make it" right?) but my anxiety is what over takes me. Though I'm able to do things every now and then, the anxiety is crippling and exhausts me. I guess we will find out the beginning of April.